To the people who don’t have anxiety maybe you can understand through this post how it affects people. To the people who do have anxiety I hope you can try relate to this text in a way to not feel alone and maybe help me through this.
a short disclaimer is that I don’t use anxiety as an excuse to get my way in any situation and i was in no way trying to hurt or offend anyone. I do know i was clouded and so apologise for anything that was said or done.
I am leaving for my holiday away with my family and was looking forward to it for a long time. I then found out yesterday that my sister’s boyfriend is coming with and I didn’t take it very well. here is why:
1.I don’t do well with strangers and it does make me feel uncomfortable being around new people. I easily introvert myself when im around people i dont know very well and that’s what ive been doing lately.
2. I always get scared when a new person comes around because I feel that it pushes me away from my family and makes me feel like i don’t have a place around them when someone new is with us. i know this sounds insane to some but it’s just how u am, i have a ‘fear’ you could say about being excluded from the people closes to me. i know no one was excluding me its just how i think about things.
I then had an amount of anger run through me because I felt as if I was going to be excluded from my sister and have no one to walk with or go somewhere because she would be with her boyfriend the whole time. again, I want to say that it’s just how i feel and i don’t mean to offend anybody.
I guess that its something that’s in the back of my mind. I don’t feel comfortable or feel as if I can be myself around new people so this situation was, and still is, hard for me to understand.
I guess that’s how things are and i wish i could understand a lot better on why I react to situations like this and become introverted but for now im just writing all of this on my blog. I have never understood why writing things down makes us feel better but thats what im doing now. Please don’t judge me on this, calling me rude or selfish or over dramatic. I dont fully understand why i dont want to be around new people but everyone has their inner fears and demons and this is mine.
from now ’til later