this weeks post is on the more serious side of life, so if you’re not comfortable with reading about depression and suicide please stop reading.
3 years later. # years later and i am back. Back in the same black hole that seems to suck me in just as if i feel i have it all under control. the same black hole that takes my spirit, rips it apart until it is part of the darkness, the black hole that almost ended my life. Almost
When i made a decision 3 years ago i was thankful to wake up the next day. It wasn’t the too bright sun burning my eyes, it wasn’t the deafening tune of the birds nor was it the promise of seeing yet another pointless day that i was now apart of. It was the thought that i took my own life for granted and was willing to throw it away because of the thoughts of people that surrounded me.
Up until today i thought it was fate that i once again wish i knew where the brightness level adjustment was because my head pounded from the pain. I assumed that i had been offered a second chance that not many get, so i took advantage of it. I pushed my morals aside and thought being someone who spoke ill of another is who i had to be. I thought by ignoring my gut instincts and taking it day by day without a plan that i would not be hurt again. I thought, no assumed, that if i take everything life has to offer that i wouldn’t be another star whose light had been sucked into a deep, dark, deadly vortex.
Time. It caught up to me and with it all my insecurities i thought i had left behind. they said time heals but somehow it feels as if i had been hit by a two ton truck. Why does anxiety even exist?! what messed up part of my brain decided that i need to over-react to every situatio that i come across, tat the whole world hates me? i know its selfish to think that but somehow its what i think.
so in the next week im going to keep my thoughts to myself, go about each day as normal and hopefully its not an over reaction.
from now til later