friendship troubles

its been a while since i have posted on here, so much has happened since i last wrote about what is going on in my life.


but something has been playing on my mind recently and to anyone out there, i need some advice. i have had this best friend for about four years now and i feel like i am slowly losing her, or i have already lost her.

i watch a video recently on how friendships are the most important relationship to have and the hardest to lose. i only understood what she meant because i am going through that myself.

i always looked at a best friend as someone you laugh the hardest with, cry the most with and grow alongside. i had that with( lets call her A-very original?) A and lately i feel such a distance between us. a girl has come into our “group” and at first i didnt mind and enjoyed her company but then i felt slowly as if i were being replaced.

they always messaged each other fir, despite a group we had, about plans or boyfriends and i only heard about it the next day(if i were lucky enough to hear anything at all).

so i began to confine in a close friend of mine and it was during break times. i then just felt this huge space between A and i, like she was the sun and i was pluto.

but lately it has been getting worse. i have been feeling like that “charity case of the group” and been having actual nightmares of them leaving me behind. in most of the dreams im just running after them.

every time i think about this situation or see their names i get this wave of anxiety pull me in with its strong current and lift me up with it, violently bashing me on the shore- only to repeat the process until i am either in a full on tornado or in the eye.

i guess i just dont know what to do or how to deal with this situation. im losing my best  friend and im slowly breaking apart because of it.

i guess that video was right, an ending friendship is one of the hardest things to go through.



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