hello world.

Welcome back to my little page, hope you are doing well.

here is a quick secret. i just wrote this post out and lost everything because i tried to add a picture, decided i didnt like it, cut it, then realised it deleted everything i just wrote.

so second attempt.

i first off would like to welcome the new followers to my little page. Im new at this whole writing thing but hope you stick around long enough that we grow together.

I got asked by a reader to help her out with an issue she is having. this is all done unknown to protect her, so she will be referred to as x(creative in know).

X said in her message she is currently being faced with a small problem, didnt have anyone to talk to and came across my blog. X told me her and her friend Z are going through this argument. X has had this crush on a boy in her grade but Z told her that the boy, J had recently asked for Z’s number. i hope youre keeping up with this. so X tried explaining to Y that X has had a crush on J for sometime but Y is set on going into this relationship with J.

now i cant say i have been through the exact same situation but i know what it is like seeing someone you like with someone else. spoiler alert it sucks! so i have some advise on how to get through this. first i suggest talking to her in person only. this way nothing can “get lost in translation”. second to tell Y that you obviously dont want to lose her because of a boy but she should respect the friendship too. maybe try telling her that you really like him and explain that it would be really uncomfortable for you to watch your best friend and your crush be together. I know it is a hard thing to do but its much easier doing it now before some real feelings develop between J and Y.

i hope my advice on how to approach this helps you. Please remember that no person is worth coming between a friendship and you can always talk to your best friend about anything. even if she is mad at you for one or two days, she will come around eventually.

goodluck on this X.

if any other readers need advice on something they are going through i am here if you need someone to talk to and even if you would like to just get something off your chest. Im here for you guys. i know how difficult it may be for someone to ask for advice or a person to lean on so im always looking to help with anything.

hope you have a good day,evening.

from now til later


Featured post

dear diary

this is quite a personal post and its just to get a lot off my chest.

i found out recently how i have been subject to some rather serious rumors. what makes this even worse is that they were started by someone i considered to be a close friend of mine and i dont even know what i could’ve done to her to make her do that to me.

i have also developed feelings for someone, but by letting my guard down and actually trying to pursue them, i got really hurt. i have always had the insecurity of “not being enough” for someone and i felt that exact feeling today.

i really do wish that it were possible to be able to take a look into the future to see if things get better – also to maybe get some advice from future me about how to handle everything

rimmel foundation revies

hay all, how are you doing? hope you’re all doing well.


I have recently purchased the Rimmel Lasting finish foundation, 25H.

i want to first tell you about my kin type, because i believe that a foundation can turn out differently on different skin types.

i have a normal skin type but my “T-Zone’ does tend to get oily throughout the day. the exception to this is that i do get a oily nose near the end of the day but in the beginning i have a generally dry “T-Zone”…so that is a mouth full.

now for the foundation. the store i went to unfortunately have my shade so i purchased two shades: ivory and Dune.

i used one pump of ivory and less than half a pump of dune and applied my first layer. i used a flat brush, no primer and only moisturizer. it applied quite well and had a medium coverage as well as evened out my skin tone. i did apply a second layer just because i felt my skin, as it is that “problematic” time, needed that second layer. I was quite pleased with this as it applied evenly and did not cake. it felt very light-weight. i did use the ivory shade as a concealer/highlight as it is lighter than my normal foundation shade and it covered my blemishes like my concealer would.

as for the days wear, i did set it with a powder and i spent my day out in the sun. the foundation did begin to shine but no more than a normal foundation would. it did not fade completely like my previous foundation. it is currently just under 12 hours since i applied it and it has not caked or completely started shining. it has stayed on fairly well and still maintained its coverage.

overall i am very pleased with the outcome of the foundation(s) and would recommend this if you can afford it. it is R169.99 south african rands.

I hope this review has helped with your purchasing of the foundation.

i do want to say that the foundation review is, of course, my opinion and results on the foundation and may vary according to different people and their skin type. It is the first time i used this foundation today and will come back to you with a result as i go though my various skin changes( thanks to being 17 and being blessed with ever changing skin type).

I would like to refer you to a review that helped me decide on a foundation and is a comparison between this product and the Rimmel True MAtch foundation


from now til later


friendship troubles

its been a while since i have posted on here, so much has happened since i last wrote about what is going on in my life.


but something has been playing on my mind recently and to anyone out there, i need some advice. i have had this best friend for about four years now and i feel like i am slowly losing her, or i have already lost her.

i watch a video recently on how friendships are the most important relationship to have and the hardest to lose. i only understood what she meant because i am going through that myself.

i always looked at a best friend as someone you laugh the hardest with, cry the most with and grow alongside. i had that with( lets call her A-very original?) A and lately i feel such a distance between us. a girl has come into our “group” and at first i didnt mind and enjoyed her company but then i felt slowly as if i were being replaced.

they always messaged each other fir, despite a group we had, about plans or boyfriends and i only heard about it the next day(if i were lucky enough to hear anything at all).

so i began to confine in a close friend of mine and it was during break times. i then just felt this huge space between A and i, like she was the sun and i was pluto.

but lately it has been getting worse. i have been feeling like that “charity case of the group” and been having actual nightmares of them leaving me behind. in most of the dreams im just running after them.

every time i think about this situation or see their names i get this wave of anxiety pull me in with its strong current and lift me up with it, violently bashing me on the shore- only to repeat the process until i am either in a full on tornado or in the eye.

i guess i just dont know what to do or how to deal with this situation. im losing my best  friend and im slowly breaking apart because of it.

i guess that video was right, an ending friendship is one of the hardest things to go through.



this weeks post is on the more serious side of life, so if you’re not comfortable with reading about depression and suicide please stop reading.

3 years later. # years later and i am back. Back in the same black hole that seems to suck me in just as if i feel i have it all under control. the same black hole that takes my spirit, rips it apart until it is part of the darkness, the black hole that almost ended my life. Almost

When i made a decision 3 years ago i was thankful to wake up the next day. It wasn’t the too bright sun burning my eyes, it wasn’t the deafening tune of the birds nor was it the promise of seeing yet another pointless day that i was now apart of. It was the thought that i took my own life for granted and was willing to throw it away because of the thoughts of people that surrounded me.

Up until today i thought it was fate that i once again wish i knew where the brightness level adjustment was because my head pounded from the pain. I assumed that i had been offered a second chance that not many get, so i took advantage of it. I pushed my morals aside and thought being someone who spoke ill of another is who i had to be. I thought by ignoring my gut instincts and taking it day by day without a plan that i would not be hurt again. I thought, no assumed, that if i take everything life has to offer that i wouldn’t be another star whose light had been sucked into a deep, dark, deadly vortex.

Time. It caught up to me and with it all my insecurities i thought i had left behind. they said time heals but somehow it feels as if i had been hit by a two ton truck. Why does anxiety even exist?! what messed up part of my brain decided that i need to over-react to every situatio that i come across, tat the whole world hates me? i know its selfish to think that but somehow its what i think.

so in the next week im going to keep my thoughts to myself, go about each day as normal and hopefully its not an over reaction.

from now til later



to be or not to be


As i walk through busy streets i notice everyone, their eyes, the smiles or panic, what they say on the phone to their loved ones. I also notice on a different level the millions upon millions of molecules that shift between each individual and myself. As if one persons life is made easier by molecules moving aside for them and rather crash into me as if my life is of less importance.

The start of each season means a start of a new adventure. In autumn the trees abandon their old identities in preparation for the new. In the same way we humans decide it is the best time to start afresh in a sense of becoming healthier. but i have decided that this autumn and winter to not just take on a physical change but a personal one to. Since 2015 i have spun my cocoon and it has become my safe place- so i stay in one place.

i must admit that i do use my anxiety as an escape for not having to do anything new but its mainly out of the fear of failure. Do i take a risk and be embarrassed by the not so successful result or do i just not take any risk and never learn what i am capable of? To be or not to be…

The saying,” it is easier said than done” is quite fitting for the predicament i am currently faced with. I could easily promise myself i will stop being so scared of doing something, i will not hide inside my cocoon but rather blossom out into this beautiful butterfly. Easier said than done. So instead i will write a list of tasks i would like to do by the end of this year and write a small disclaimer that it is okay if i did not truly attempt not did i accomplish some of them but as long as i know i did not make an excuse.

a little confused by that disclaimer? My logic behind it is that if i put myself up on a pedestal and not achieve all i set out to do id be more disappointed and remain in my cocoon. Instead i will achieve what i can, attempt what i can and that will be enough knowing i have made more steps towards my great cocoon escape than days before.

To be or not to be?what is some of your “to be or not to be ” moments? A problem you are faced with, a story you would like to share or something similar to my thoughts? leave a comment and as always i will be keeping an eye out for it.

from now ’til later



i see him walk by everyday

i look past him because of the fear to say

just how i truly feel

because his heart belongs to another.


i see him walk by everyday –

i try to say the words i fear most

there was a day i came close

but was reminded he belongs to another


i feel the pain inside,

knowing with every kiss

his heart resides

with another,


each kiss- stolen

each touch- chosen

by him to belong to another,


he smiles at me but he doesnt truly know

the feelings i hide- of which i will never show

Quantum effects, fears and black holes

its okay to be scared
We love, we hate and of all the emotions, to be scared is the one that controls us most.

I was speaking to a close friend of mine of impractical fears that we used to have when we were younger. Some listed were as follows: fear of the thunder or lightning, extreme weather and the most serious of our childhood was to  be afraid of the dark.

As we grew up these fears changed and became more serious: fear of not passing with exceptional marks, being afraid of never finding true love and the fear of the inevitable. The way i see it is that the inevitable is constant darkness, so our childhood fear of the dark lives on with us.

Try visualizing fear as a black hole. A black hole is a region of spacetime exhibiting such strong gravitational effects that nothing—not even particles and electromagnetic radiation such as light—can escape from inside it. The theory of general relativity predicts that a sufficiently compact mass can deform spacetime to form a black hole. Now you know the definition let’s get to the point. Our fear is a black hole that lives inside us. The light is all the opportunities that arise and because of a fear in our lives (the black hole)we are too scared to get sucked in. Now we want to seize this opportunity but the black hole is not allowing our will and confidence in our abilities to come through, so the question arises how do we stop a black hole?

Hawking has suggested that matter can actually escape from black holes by quantum effects, and it would therefore be possible for a black hole to evaporate, but in an enormous amount of time. So that’s the answer,TIME. Everything takes time, our fears may disappear as quickly as they evolved or arises. It’s okay to be scared but don’t let the black hole suck in all your opportunities that eventually you become the  black hole.


To the people who don’t have anxiety maybe you can understand through this post how it affects people. To the people who do have anxiety I hope you can try relate to this text in a way to not feel alone and maybe help me through this.
a short disclaimer is that I don’t use anxiety as an excuse to get my way in any situation and i was in no way trying to hurt or offend anyone. I do know i was clouded and so apologise for anything that was said or done.

I am leaving for my holiday away with my family and was looking forward to it for a long time. I then found out yesterday that my sister’s boyfriend is coming with and I didn’t take it very well. here is why:

1.I don’t do well with strangers and it does make me feel uncomfortable being around new people. I easily introvert myself when im around people i dont know very well and that’s what ive been doing lately.

2. I always get scared when a new person comes around because I feel that it pushes me away from my family and makes me feel like i don’t have a place around them when someone new is with us. i know this sounds insane to some but it’s just how u am, i have a ‘fear’ you could say about being excluded from the people closes to me. i know no one was excluding me its just how i think about things.

I then had an amount of anger run through me because I felt as if I was going to be excluded from my sister and have no one to walk with or go somewhere because she would be with her boyfriend the whole time. again, I want to say that it’s just how i feel and i don’t mean to offend anybody.

I guess that its something that’s in the back of my mind. I don’t feel comfortable or feel as if I can be myself around new people so this situation was, and still is, hard for me to understand.

I guess that’s how things are and i wish i could understand a lot better on why I react to situations like this and become introverted but for now im just writing all of this on my blog. I have never understood why writing things down makes us feel better but thats what im doing now. Please don’t judge me on this, calling me rude or selfish or over dramatic. I dont fully understand why i dont want to be around new people but everyone has their inner fears and demons and this is mine.

from now ’til later


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